*Rachel’s Point of View*
I was getting ready for the party one of the boys’ friend had held, it was more of a reunite party of all of their friends. Luke wanted me to join them which was kind of awkward for me because I did not even know any of them and it would be really weird to tag along but since he insisted, I agreed. I didn’t wear something too short to get a bad reputation in front of them neither did I wear something too long because they’d think I’m boring and crazy, not like their opinion mattered to me, but it mattered to Luke and Luke was important to me.
As I was walking towards the boys I heard someone call my name, “Rachel?”
I turned around to see Lisa standing there, yikes, “yeah?” I tried to over smile at her this time remembering her comment about it earlier.
“So… you’re dating Luke?” She raised her eyebrow at me.
“You know, he’s bad news,” she replied. I knew what she was doing. She was just a typical ex girlfriend who could never see her ex boyfriend happy with anyone else, she the type of girls I hate with everything I have in me.
“Well, I’m no less than a bad news myself, so we will manage it,” I told her.
“Well,” she shrugged, “just advising,”
“Thanks,” I replied, “can I ask you something?”
“Why me and Luke broke up?” she smiled.
“Yeah, I mean if you don’t mind,”
“Of course I don’t. I’m kind of over it,” she started, “you know me and Luke were together for almost a year, and later I started realizing how I don’t know anything about him, how it was only me giving in our relationship, exposing myself to him when he did nothing,” she finished.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said sincerely.
“Its fine,” she smiled again, “see you at the party,” she said and walked away.
I knew it shouldn’t bother me because Luke had changed and I knew a lot of stuff about him, but after talking to Lisa, it just felt…different. It could be how I’m the only one giving myself to him while he’s being all reserved, I shouldn’t have asked Lisa about it, I wondered. But Luke had said Lisa fucked him up but Lisa’s story is way too different, I should just stop thinking.
It wouldn’t get me anywhere. I reached their bus and knocked, hoping they were already ready because I didn’t really want to wait. I needed alcohol to get over my thoughts. Luke opened the door and flashed me a smile, they were all ready, thank god, he got down and kissed me, “ready?” he asked as he pulled away.
“Yeah,” I smiled at him trying to hide all my insecurities.
“I hope you like my friends,” he kissed my cheek.
I bit on my lower lip, already nervous, “I hope they like me,” I replied.
“They will, you’re like perfect,” he held my hand and interwined our fingers, “lets go,” he smiled as we walked with the rest of the boys.
“And there was this time when Luke mistakenly slipped in the pool when he was supposed to push Michael!” Chloe snickered as everyone laughed.
We were sitting with all of Luke’s friends, Luke was sitting beside me, his arms around my waist, his friends were cool but I learned how they were all so protective about him and the way they were judging me was really disgusting.
“That’s really stupid,” I laughed at Luke too as I turned to his embarrassed red face and kissed him, “you seemed like the cutest kid,” I said as I kissed his nose.
“Yeah he was,” Chloe interrupted us, “and me and Luke have been best friends since forever. I know everything about him, from his first kiss to his first relationship to his prom suit to the first time he cried, everything,” she said proudly.
I just nodded, she then asked, “what do you know about him?”
My breath stopped for a minute, what did I know about Luke? I only knew things about him because they were related to my job. Did I know anything about him other than that? And even if I did know things, I surely forgot them because of my anxiety. Before I could answer, Luke interrupted us, “She knows that she loves me,”
“Yeah…” I trailed off.
“You guys are so cringe,” Jackson, one of Luke’s friend, of course, replied.
“Lets dance?” Calum got up, bless him because I really didn’t want to sit here anymore.
We all agreed and got up, Luke dragged me with him and got me to the center of the club, he giggled and started dancing with me, something about this did not feel right, especially because I was feeling so many things, I was confused about me and Luke, I couldn’t even think straight.
“Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just tired,” I lied.
“You want to go back?” he looked at me with concern, “fuck, are you okay?” he asked me seeing how.stressed I look.
“Can we go back, please?” I begged him.
“Yes,” he nodded, “lets go, I’ll carry you if you want,”
“No, its alright,”
We both dragged ourselves out of the loud music, Luke informed the boys that I wasn’t feeling well and so we were leaving, they were too busy having fun so we did not really wait for their response, we walked up to the parking and Luke sat in the car and I followed his actions.
“Are you fine now?” He asked me as he started the car.
“Better…” I trailed off.
After that nobody spoke, we were both quiet. He concentrated on the road while I just kept over thinking, how true was it? I did not know him as much as others did. How could I say that I love him? Was I even good enough for him? I had never cared to ask him about himself, I hardly knew anything about his past, it sucked that people who weren’t this close to him, girls who aren’t his goddamn girlfriend knew him more than me.
We arrived at our place and he parked the car, we got inside the bus and I grabbed one of his sweatshirt to change into because my clothes were in the management’s tour bus.
“You’ve been awfully quiet this whole time,” he finally said.
“Sorry,” I simply replied.
“I mean, what’s up? I’m worried,” he said.
“Its nothing,” I replied.
“Rachel,” he sighed and pulled me closer to him, “please tell me,”
“I don’t know!” I snapped at him, “I don’t know anything! Everyone else knows you better than me!”
“They don’t know me like you do,” he replied calmly.
“Yeah,” I mocked him, “like what? I don’t know anything. I’m just… How can we be together when everyone around me knows you better!”
“Because I love you, not them” he said as he fixed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
“Luke…” I sighed and looked away, “this is not how it works, everyone there, everything there just made me realize how little I know you,”
“Rachel, cmon,” he sighed too, “We will get to know each other, we already do know things about each other, its not like we’re totally unaware,” he tries to make me understand.
I was too caught up in the moment, I pushed him away, “I don’t know,” I replied.
“You know what I told Chole at the party right? That you know you love me,” he paused, “do you?”
I stood there, not moving or looking at him, I froze. I didn’t know what to say or how to react.
“Well,” he let out a small laugh, “that says a lot,” he was hurt, anyone would be, “You can’t even look me in the eye and tell me you love me, its not me who you don’t know Rachel, its yourself,”
I was taken aback, it was like I fell in depths of a never ending valley, he said it so simply as if it wasn’t a big deal, but it changed my entire perspective, I knew myself. I knew myself very well, it was him I didn’t know. It was pretty clear.
“Its too late, lets sleep,” he finally said and walked to the gaming room, leaving me with my thoughts all alone once again.