This time walking down the lane wasn’t much difficult for me, as I was well aware of the difficulties am going to face on my way. The same old melodious music, gigantic trees, cries of an infant and a monstrous age old tree where the way seems to end. All these were quite expected, they neither added to my surprise nor did they shock me. This time I did continue walking beyond that tree. My intention was to find Shilpa, I wonder how and where would she be? Will she be fine? I just hope she’s in the pink of her state! Amidst all these terrible thoughts there was a voice which brought me back into my sense. “Princess, where are you? See what I’ve got for you! Princess?” it was Shilpa. And the voice was clearly audible from the house. Then I realized Shilpa wasn’t at home, if Shilpa hasn’t opened the door then who else must have opened this shadowy way for me. I rushed back to the door, to move out of that dark, unpleasant space. Alas!!
Who locked the door!
“Someone help me, open the door. Please help me!”
“Shilpa can you hear me?” I screamed. But there was no reply from the other side.
All of a sudden I felt like I was left the last one in this whole world. Everything became so dark and emptiness filled in the grievance. I sat there on the other side of the door separating totally two different worlds. How bold and superior I presented myself in front of the world, and where I am today, worried and tensed, because of just a door. I know ever since childhood, I was a scared stiff. But to deal with the challenges of this world I had to turn into ballsy bold person, nerves of steel and daredevil became my identity. But at some corner of the heart I knew how worried and scared person I was! One has to maintain a false identity so that none assumes her weak and fumble personality. My transition from a girl to woman has brought in many changes in the perspective of my vision too. Shilpa knew very well how hard phase I’ve been through when I shifted to Bangalore for the very first time.
I could clearly hear the voice of Shilpa, She was very worried about me. I could hear her anguish but couldn’t help in any way, I felt so helpless. I wondered will I be ever back to my real world, because all that happened appeared as if I’ve walked into a virtual world. I waited there for a long time and screamed for help, but it was all in vain. I understood none from outside can help me getting out of this place, since there was no other way I started walking through the path again. This time I went with an intention to explore, not with a sense of fear. Things weren’t as horrified as I exclaimed them to be. I went back to the tree, there was no surprise awaiting me this time. I looked around and finally stepped ahead, as I walked ahead I could see a transition, the scary huge trees were no more horrifying me. I could see plants with flowers and some beautiful fruit bearing trees too. I could hear the giggles of kids playing somewhere, yet the same melancholy music here too. I always knew this place somehow takes me back to my childhood memories. Now I was far away from all those but an image of my memories always displays the sins committed by me in my past life.
May be that’s the reason why I always get horrified when am taken back to my past. Memories are the sweetest souls that neither die, nor do they exist.
It’s always you who keep them alive. Neither your past nor your future is going to decide what you are. But past haunts you as a shadow and future terrifies alarming about past. Same was my situation too, my past killed the exuberant and happening soul and my future always reminds me of my sins. Now when am finally out of everything, happy and settled, who’s that taking me back to my past? Why would anyone want me to suffer the same trauma again, all those whom I know, who knew me from my childhood and know every detail of me were trust worthy. I remember how they equally suffered when I was in asylum just for a couple of weeks. Everyone tried their best to make me live a normal and happy life like others. In fact none was ready to send me to Bangalore all alone, but it was my career call and I had to take a firm step. So I decided to take this job offer, I couldn’t ignore one such opportunity in the initial stages of my career.
Yes, my past does haunt me, but my future depends on what steps I take today. So I choose to move on with my future and shifted here all alone. I met many new people, made some good friends and was living peaceful life here. Even my family was happy when they realized my decision to shift was right. I was living a good life here, away from all that worries me. But after this span of time, why am I being taken to my past. Is it still my hallucination or it’s some master mind behind all this. Now I’ve suffered more than enough I need to find the truth, I can’t pay a deaf ear to what’s happening with me. Now my future is in stake due to my past.