Often I find myself in my own illusion. Illusion about the way I am. Illusion about how people treat me. Illusion about how I see the world and how the world looks at me.
Many a times I feel more than happy of being out of reality and thinking of everything as one of the most perfect things in the world. It’s my own dream world, a world where I can be anything. I am not scared of what people think of me. In my world of illusion I am the one loved by all, perfect human born on earth with everything almost everything in the world, but then the dream breaks and when I wake up, I feel unhappy. I don’t feel like living in this reality and that’s what me makes me so annoying that I refuse being nice to people. I refuse being happy because this world is not what I wanted it to be.
Often people ask me to be happy, they tell me to laugh and enjoy because in their eyes I have everything one would ever want but I’m never concerned about what they ask me or tell me to do. All I want is my illusion to get true. And that’s where I go wrong, for my illusion to come true, I need to work for my reality but I live in a dream world which doesn’t come true because I don’t let it enter the reality. Many years I lived with this illusion until I met a girl who narrated her story and made me realized the outcomes of braking free the illusion we are living in.
She started her story when she was in high school. She was one of the most popular girls in the school. Beautiful face, long black hair, light brown eyes and one of the most serene smile. And it was a hard time believing her because the girl I was listening to had short hair, spots on her face, and geeky specs on.
The smile was same and that is what made me wonder how she ended up here, like this.
She had a bright shine in her eyes when she started speaking. She told me she had a closet full of all the branded clothes, a secret sanctum and a lovable family. And I could imagine everything in my mind as if somehow her life was a fairy tale story and I was watching it.
She did not had many friends but she had one who was the world to her. As soon as she started talking about her best friend, I could see tears in her eyes and I couldn’t stop myself from consoling her. She told me she that they haven’t talked from a long. I told her that everything would be fine and she smiled. I couldn’t resist myself asking her the reason of the fight. And she said it was long story, I responded saying I could be a good listener. And she began.
“It was winters. We always loved winters and every new-year our school organized a ball for the students. As we were the most popular girls, we were head of the student’s organization. That year we had sent invitations to various school to make the event large scaled and that’s when we met Samar. He was tall and handsome and his charm would mesmerize anyone. We were 16 at that time and like every other girl, seeing and meeting a guy was one the teen adventures we encountered. In no time we three became very good friends.
This was the first time I had known someone apart from Mishti and this was an unusual feeling. I liked him more than a friend.
And I guess even he liked me a lot. Slowly and slowly we became really close. There wasn’t a day that would go without my talking with him. And I didn’t realize but being close with him somehow reduced my time with Mishti. I thought she was happy for me that I had fallen for someone but I was wrong. She thought both of us had forgotten her. She never complained it directly on our face but anyone could sense from her behavior. She had stopped talking nicely with me, her taunts were always a part of our conversation. I never understood why she was not happy for me. I never discussed anything about her with anyone. I and Samar always spent good time together.
But there was this one day when she came at my place and we talked for hours just like we used to. I was happy and I tried calling Samar after Mishti left to tell him how happy I was. He didn’t pick up, I called again, and He didn’t pick up. I thought that he must be busy so I didn’t pay any attention. I was so happy that everything had fallen into place. Some days went by and I hadn’t heard of Samar.
In all these days Mishti was always with me so I never actually got a chance to enquire where Samar was until this day when Samar called me himself.
Before he could speak, I started with my million questions until I was interrupted by a female voice. She said Samar passed away 5 days back. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. Tears couldn’t stop coming out of my eyes. Mishti came out of nowhere and she hugged me tightly. She said that its okay and everything will be just fine. And I hugged her even tighter. But after some minutes I realized why she would say something like that without my even telling her. I asked her how did she came in my room because the door was locked.
I heard a knock at my door, my parents stood in front of me. They saw my red eyes and they looked at Mishti in a mysterious way. They held my hand and they asked me not to talk with Mishti. Police stood behind them and they straightaway went towards her and held her captive. She was shouting for help and I stood staring at her. I tried to convince the police and stop them from taking her but then they stopped me saying that she had killed Samar. I stood astonished there and my eyes were full of questions. As she passed by my side she said” that was the only way to get you back in my life.” And that was the last time I saw her.
All my days went by in shock and disappointment. I was given counselling sessions and was provided medicines. All those medicines took away the beauty I had and now I have nothing left but my smile. I am no longer the one I was. And now I am here travelling with my parents to attend another session of a psychiatrist. “
Poor I girl, I thought in my mind. Before I could show my sympathy towards her, her parents arrived and stood before me. I realized it was time for me to go so I stood up and started walking to my coach where my parents were waiting for me. As I was walking some things started revolving in my mind. She had told me that she was very rich but she was travelling in a sleeper class. If she was so rich why didn’t she travel in first AC class? Looking at her parents also made me wonder if they were rich or not.
There was something unusual about her story that were giving me this unhealthy and negative vibes that something in her story went wrong.
And these thoughts constantly circled my mind. I quietly sat near my mother and started staring outside the window. Somebody tapped on my shoulder. It was that girl’s father who had just narrated me a story from which I couldn’t get my thoughts off. He in a very polite way asked me if their daughter told me anything and I replied saying yes. He asked me to tell him the whole story and I didn’t think twice before telling him the whole tale.
After listening to everything he took a deep breath and replied in a serious way, she has schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a serious disorder which affects how a person thinks, feels and acts. Someone with schizophrenia may have difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what is imaginary; may be unresponsive or withdrawn; and may have difficulty expressing normal emotions in social situations. Contrary to public perception, schizophrenia is not split personality or multiple personality. The vast majority of people with schizophrenia are not violent and do not pose a danger to others.
My daughter had an imaginary friend named Mishti, she was not so popular in school, nor were we rich. She was an ordinary child and always remained silent. She never interacted with anyone in her class. We always thought that she was an introvert and that is why we never asked her anything about school or anything. But then one day she came back from school with blood stains on her dress. We were worried as to what had happened with her and how she ended up like this. We kept on banging the door for hours but she never opened. Later the police came at our house informing us that she had killed a boy named Samar. We were surprised.
With weekly sessions of her with various doctor we got to know that she had Schizophrenia. She had developed her own world where she and her imaginary friend Mishti were the most popular girls and were best friends. In her illusion world Mishti had killed Samar but in reality she had killed him. Samar was never her friend, he had helped her out once when everyone made fun of her and that is how she had met him. That is how in her world he had acquired such a great position in his life. He was her savior in her real world which made him her hero in her imaginary world.
Her imagination had grown up so wide that Mishti had started overpowering her so much so that she killed someone to be with her.
Her imagination destroyed her reality. But as reality collapsed with her imaginary world, Mishti vanished and we got to know both of her world and that is why we are taking her to Ahmedabad for her treatment. Whatever she told you was all part of her illusion and none of it was true. Don’t take the burden on your heart. She is ill, when she’ll be fine then you can be her friend.
Listening to all this had a very great impact on me. I got scared of living in my imaginary world. I hugged my mother and slept in her lap. Since that day, the girl’s words haunts me every day but they fill me up with some positive vibes of not ending up like she did for it is very easy to live in a dream world but very difficult to stop imagining and make it come true. That girl whose name I don’t know yet taught me to live with what I have and stop wondering about things that will never exist.
If you cannot fight for your dreams, they would fight with your reality only to destroy it. So next time when you are so happy in your dream world that you start ignoring the real world around you, think about the time when you’ll lose everything including your dreams and reality.
To dream is good, only if you have the power to chase it until it becomes true.
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