Dear Diary

I was just sitting idle thinking about my next story. I was playing with my pen in my hand, thinking about the creative process that should have started in my head. I had just finished a story I wrote in various parts, for which I took around 3 months to write. ‘It is like too much!’ I told to myself but I’m not sure if I am pressurising myself. As on the other side, I feel that I should give myself a break, read something, observe the world. I also went to a week-long trip to a hill-station with my family. Still. I wonder, didn’t any sort of lightning struck in me. But why? Has the soul of writing in me diminished with time? What is wrong with me?

As I sit on the chair and think about the idea or the lightning, I should say, my mind went back to that day I wrote my first story about an incident in school. That was a childish one. After that I continued writing more on a piece of paper, creating an unrealistic adventure. I have lost those scripts now, though but that was how I begin with this idea. After that as well I wrote three more stories in the same manner- creating some grave incident revolving around certain people and how things get better in the end. I don’t look at them now for I feel sheepish now for generating those ideas. It is like Facebook reminding you of something you posted years back and you were like- ‘I was such a dumbo.’

Then days passed and I was in class 12, the final year of school and around Board exams I had broke up with this junior of mine as he was not the ‘ideal best friend,’ and this idea of best friend came in as he was my crush- one of them. He also became a part of my stories, as I joined this site wherein I had to concoct stories, he was either Vivaan or Ashish in them. Come on, you know these things as I discussed all of my ‘encounters’ with him.

 I feel thankful enough to be in a girls’ college now so that I focus on myself- my studies and my career and yes, of course learning to express myself through these literary pieces. Like in school, I do not have a squad but I know a lot of people amongst my batch mates. Why does it happen with me that I remain ‘forever-alone’? Even I am not in touch with many from school mates but they do meet each other as I scroll my Facebook and Instagram feeds. One thing I am happy about is, I have a family, which cares for me though I lose my patience with them but they never leave my side.

Now I have been applying for internships which are so vital for a job but I am hardly getting any response out of it. So I just watch and also dream of binge-watching TVF web-series and TV series on Internet. And thinking about that lightning which should have struck but the story still remains the same, as only nothingness remains.

When will this idea come?

I should give myself a break, I reckon

Sanjna :)

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