There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds and there are people for whom every day is a battle and every breath is a war and who think they aren’t winning anymore. Ranjana was facing harsh agonies that we watch in shows and was a victim to miseries that we pity upon.
“You should kiss the ground that I walk on you ghastly lady! You and your rubbish daughter are living on my remains. I give you more than what you would get by selling your own self bitch! Still you always come begging to me for money every other day you shameless female!” said Ranjana’s drunk father while cupping her mom’s face in his hand and smashing the empty kingfisher bottle on the chilly floor.
It wasn’t an exceptional spectacle at her house. At first she used to shut her door tight and bury under the bed casing her ears. But now, she gradually got used to it. A girl of 12 built up the valour to peek through a slightly ajar door and witness the sight of her mother getting crushed and tormented. She could make out by then that her dad hated her and that she was a mistake. He wanted her mother to kill Ranjana while she was inside in the better end of the world.
“Hey baby, go to sleep now. Mummy will arrange the money for your annual day show dress. Don’t you worry my princess.”, said her mother smiling but hiding bottomless grief behind that curve.
One day, her dad came home untimely while her mom was out to fetch white bread. Ranjana came and sat next to her dad and touched his tough masculine hand.
“Papa, what is this in your mouth? And why is air coming out of it? Why are you coughing so hard? Do you want me to get a glass of water for you?” asked Ranjana with a concerned expression.
“I’m smoking you idiot. Didn’t your mom teach you to mind your own business you piece of crap?” shouted her dad with the cigarette in his left hand.
“Dad, why do you behave badly with mom? She is a nice person. She loves you daddy and so do I.” Ranjana’s eyes were now big and hopeful.
“If you love daddy, then remove your pants and come here. Sit on my lap.” Ranjana obeyed her father and did as she was told.
Since that day, she and her mother lived separately and the burn marks on the sides of her vagina still hurt.
It seemed like her mother had forgotten that it was a second Saturday and that her daughter would be home early only to find out that her mother was able to pay the rent, buy her Disney hair bands and feed her with burgers and fries by sacrificing her dignity and surrendering her self esteem.
Ranjana felt inconsolable. She sensed that she was a saddle on her helpless mother and hence decided to let her get rid of the extra baggage. She thought about cutting her veins or drinking acid. But then, she didn’t want to leave any scope of her not dying because that would only mean that mommy would still have to pay the mammoth hospital bills. So she drank acid and poured some all over her body. She cut her veins and enjoyed the sight of hot blood flowing out rapidly and bid a final goodbye as her mother’s dupatta hanging on the ceiling fan kissed her collarbone. Little did she know that ending her life was not the solution.