*Rachel’s point of view*
“You have a show at 7:30!” I said as Luke kept dragging me out of my hotel room to the top most floor of the building.
“I know, I know, we’ll be back till then” he replied as we stepped in the lift.
“But what if we don’t…” I sighed.
“We will,” he smiled and reassured me.
“Okay,” I replied.
Luke was determined to take me out on a date eversince I told him that we could go out, but because of the busy schedules he couldn’t take me out yesterday. I don’t know why he couldn’t plan something for the afternoon because we were all free and we wouldn’t even have to rush now, but whatever. I was happy that he was taking efforts to not scare me and go easy on me.
“Where are we going?” I question him as we get out on the 14th floor.
“Just come,” he smirked and grabbed my hand and I followed him.
“Luke, I swear, its lik 6:45 now, please.” I say as he stops walking and enters the the first room on the floor and shuts the door.
“Oh god,” he snaps and realizes that there the air conditioning wasn’t working.
“What now?” I ask him, feeling the heat now.
“Just a second,” he says and goes toward the AC. I can feel the heat now and I know I’m going to start sweating.
After a good 10 minutes, he comes back, with a smile. I can feel the air hitting my face now.
“Um, you’re sweating.” he chuckles.
“Um, that’s because there was literally no air there!” I gasped.
“That’s sad, anyway, come in” He walked leading me.
“Luke, I swear, we’ll be late!” I said again. I know I was being really annoying but it was my job and it scared me because my head was so mean, like he would blow me off, completely if Luke reached late.
“Shh, stop being so pushy,” He said, annoyed, “I know, we’ll leave by 7:20, okay?” He turned back and waited for my approvance.
I looked down and pulled my phone out, it was just 6:47. I relaxed and nodded.
He then offered me to sit at the table he had set for two, and there were lots of roses around a simple paper, with candles and burgers. I wanted to laugh at his attempt of a ‘date’ but I thought it was kind of cute, and I felt this was the most romantic he had been, so I would just be happy with whatever I got.
“Okay, so, like, um,” He trailed off as we sat together, “gosh, don’t look at me like that,” he finally spoke.
“Like what?” I asked him being confused.
“Nothing, uh, so like, how do you like this?” He licked his lower lip, playing a bit with his lip ring.
“Sweet,” I simply said.
“Oh sorry, I did not really have time, you know?”
“I get it, Luke, its cute, but whats in this paper?” I asked looking down.
“This…” He looked down and picked up the empty page, “here you could write the reasons why you don’t want to be with him.”
“Huh?” I shot him a confused look.
“I mean, cmon, I know you have so many things in your head about going out with me and I want you to like, write all of them here and the day you feel like, you know, these aren’t as important as of why you should be with me, you can tear them,” he said nervously.
“Strange…. but okay,” I took the paper.
“Okay,” he smiled, “lets talk,”
“About?” I looked at him.
Yes, I know I was the worst person to be on a date with, but I was anxious because the time was getting close and right now Luke should be with his band mates talking about his performance, than sitting here and telling me how I should write down the reasons to not date him.
“I have a million things to talk to you about. A million things we have to talk about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.” He said.
“Oh,” I replied, impressed with his choice of words, “tell me about yourself, then? I literally don’t know anything about you,”
“Right, okay,” he said, not really happy that i ignored his romantic little speech, “There are some things about myself that I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail, the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared, I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.” he completed.
I didn’t know what to say, because he was being brutally honest, I didn’t know if I was supposed to go away from there or be convinced with his little detail about him, which I wasn’t.
“Interesting…” I trailed off.
“Yeah, you know, I’m not the guy who would compliment you all the time, or meet your parents, but I really do like you and I’m trying to change, trust me.”
“You don’t have to change, Luke” I said rather serious this time, “you don’t have to change for me, don’t do it if you don’t want to, if you don’t think its for the better. I’m not the kind of girl who expects compliments anyway or who would introduce you to my parents, I’m a scared little fuck myself, I am scared of everything, not just you.”
“There are so many fragile things, after all.” he replied, “People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.”
“I guess?” I coaxed, “but that’s not the point, you know? I mean, yeah, people do break easily, but I think its more important to know who breaks you.”
He smiled, “I’d love to be broken by you, anyday, Rachel,”
I sighed, “You think that, honestly, I don’t know what you like in me, you’ve been chasing me for so long, I don’t know what you see in me, that I can’t.”
“I fell for you the day I met you, like, your eyes, they’re like a month old child’s, big and brown, its like I can see the entire universe in them,”
“Gosh, thats the most overrated thing I’ve heard Luke,” I blushed, “but seriously, I’m not pretty, you have so many attractive girls chasing you! Ask Michael how I look in mornings, so fucking unattractive, I’m broken into pieces you could never understand,” I spoke, not knowing how I felt so confident to speak my heart out to him, it was just what he did to me, making me feel comfortable to speak whatever I thought, like he wouldn’t judge me even if I said I wanted to be a duck, at that moment.
“Let someone love you just the way you are–” he paused and held my hand as he interwined our fingers,” as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are.” he smiled, and thought of the right words to say, “to believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect,” he took a deep breath, and sighed, “is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”
I cracked a smile at him, “you are amazing,” I said, “I did not expect this side of you,”
He smiled back, “told you, I’m not that bad,”
I sighed again, “you’re gonna get tired of me,”
He changed his look to being serious, as ever, like he was hurt how I thought about myself, “Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them dealwith it, and if they can’t, you know, you’re better off without them anyway,”
“Thank you,” I told him.
“Okay, now, I think we should leave, or we would actually be screwed,” he got up and intertwined our fingers and walked with me, making me feel like I was the only lady in his world, as cringe as it may sound.