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Loving you was not so easy

“It was not so easy to leave him, I couldn’t sleep for three weeks, when every night I use to see nightmares that he is leaving my hand, going away from me …he decided so soon to leave me ;not even a single moment did he realise how I had dedicated four long years of my life to him, where every single day used to go like” his wish my command and and…” tears rolled out on her cheeks and she couldn’t even complete her words.

Sneha is my best friend and I had been with her all through the years, though the love of her life Saurabh became important for her for these four years.But when she is in pain or really very happy I had remained the only one after Saurabh with whom she could share every inch of her life, all secrets, her bed secrets too.And myself? I don’t need an introduction.But let’s go to her story.

Sneha was a very interesting girl, full of life, high on spunk but still normal, no extravagance here but a normal girl, who could dance very well, sing well and a good romantic lady who always wanted a samaritan who would love her like a princess all her life.Sneha completed her graduation from a small town in Ghaziabad district and went to LNCT Bhopal, to complete her engineering.Unlike other students these four years, she remained an introvert, where holidays meant packing her bags and run back to home.

To enjoy the complacency of being the single child of her parents.For the first three years, nothing was more important to her than her family, her friends like me. Last year, however, I heard sometimes her being interested in appeasing guys or dressing to woo somebody.But nothing of such sort, however, happened.So it was not a big wonder to have met with Saurabh on her first Job instead in the alleys of college.

Luckily I too joined her as we both got the same job.It was the first day on the job as interns and still we both were excited to be together after school.We and other 20 interns were sitting in a good maintained and professional meeting room.The floors covered with carpet and projectors and a big Led Tv wall mounted.A whiteboard on the one side and a Podium on the other side.And amongst all this were seated these twenty-odd people with files on their table embracing their earning so far, a bit nervous, a bit shy and still beaming with joy, as this was the first job of our life.They would earn money, chill out, go to places, buy expensive dresses and things which they couldn’t for long has put them into a highly exaggerated mood.

All these ideas thrilling them up.Suddenly the door opened and a man in his forties entered the still room.

He was a fat bellied, wheatish man with specs and dark and greasy mustache covering his face.

Ultimately he came in, he was a nice cheerful man who waved hands while reaching the podium.So the introduction part started as of now but I and Sneha were busy looking at the nice guys of the Room whereas the south Indian mustache man who was the owner or from HR which we neither wanted to know or bothered had started calling us for the introduction.And here was the first time when Sneha saw Saurabh.He looked like a little boy clean shaven, shiny face and lots of vigor.He spoke with a typical American accent, a sharp and loud but effective tone that was obviously one thing which attracted us to hear him.He was an engineer and graduated from SRM university, Chennai.But for us, he was looking like a cute baby.Sneha wondered whether this boy had even completed his 12th and landed up here.So later we also gave our introductions and completed the same.Sneha and Saurabh haven’t started communicating yet.

Day one ended and we met with some more people, gossips, chit chat continued till Day 2 started and we went together for another exciting of internship which as the company suggested was to last for a year.Next day was also a normal day, we got introduced to some seniors this time.So it ended in asking about the professional things, like the career in that company and blah blah.So now the third day, this was actually the day when they met.It was a conversation class and they had luckily got adjacent seats.

Sneha had heard his voice and the tone, it was impressive.Seeing him beside her, she thought of initiating a conversation.Hi, I am Sneha, and you Saurabh right? He nodded in Yes.She complemented him, ” you are too good in communication” but he didn’t say much.Sneha was not happy with conversation as Saurabh didn’t show interest. The class ended.They again met the same day in another group which was to check the teamwork and technical skills and he was in the same group.But Sneha didn’t even give a look to him.The day ended.Another day was Saturday when we just needed to go in trendy casuals and do a basic formality of being present that day.Sneha wore a black top and denim with hairs open and specs and flip flop.

Saurabh too came in a black t-shirt and jeans.This time Sneha did notice him but ignored because she found him quite rude or not interested kind of earlier.But for her surprise, Saurabh stopped her and what he asked was really funny.He asked Sneha whether they had to do any homework regarding the group work assigned to them a day before.Sneha nodded in no.But he followed for some time asking one thing or the other.It was lunch time now.So Sneha asked him if he would like to go out to the canteen.They went together and I didn’t see my friend again with me for anything.Because the two remained together all the time except going to bed.The second week, a group of eight people went out together including me and Sneha and Saurabh.

The second week the two went unitedly and it became obvious to all that something was going on between them.I had only known one thing that they had become too intense in love. Kissing on the office floor or during the Lunch Time when everyone else would be out to canteen, on the stairs to the canteen, in the basement and all nook or crannies available and that Saurabh had a girlfriend but they broke off a year back.

We had joined on November 4th and the love story between them became a topic till 3oth of December.Sneha used to go for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with him.Even the time between the three meals was his only.

I felt how speedily the girl fell in love.It is rightly said to go slow in love because as fast you fall in it, the same ways you come out of it, bereaved and peeved.

The same happened to her too.Sneha was seemingly happy as Saurabh asked her for a lunch on 31st December in a nearby restaurant.Though it wasn’t declared but we cheered her up saying “girl it’s not only lunch but a date, so he may propose you.She shied away but couldn’t hide her feelings.As usual, he came to the building gate where we four girls stayed including me and Sneha.As usual, she kissed him and he kissed her too and they both headed towards the restaurant.

They ordered food, but Saurabh was a little conscious than other days.They saw some more couples, seniors, and new interns having lunch in the same restaurant.Sneha thought, this may be the reason for his sudden changed behavior.While having lunch he put her hands away twice whenever Sneha tried to hold.After completing lunch Sneha paid the bill and was leaving with anger as she had expected that a lot would happen her first date.But she was perturbed the way he behaved.While walking out Saurabh stopped her from behind and said: “I wanted to tell you something, I can’t go in relationship with you, My girlfriend talks with my family and we know each other since last six years, She can come back in my life.”I will stay as a good friend if you want”Sneha felt something went missing in her heart.a bit or two.She couldn’t stop herself and ran as fast as she could towards our flat.

Her cheeks went red with anger and eyes red, full of tears.I never imagined this would be the climax of two months love.Sneha kept crying for a week and Saurabh would do nothing but see her and try to run away.She didn’t come to the office one day.We were all disturbed.Saurabh came to me asking her whereabouts.I told she didn’t come.Saurabh came to the building gate and called Sneha, asked her to come down.She came and started shouting at him ” You are a liar, you told me you love him I would not stay any longer here.I am leaving tomorrow.Saurabh tried and convinced her that they would continue as best friends but do not leave as he would feel like a culprit.Sneha a simple girl pacified herself.But she wasn’t happy and cheerful as always.She didn’t even go for the seat beside Saurabh which used to be her coveted place till now.

Saurabh felt the pinch.For the next two days, this continued but at last Sneha told him”I can’t act anymore if you can stay with me as my love you stay or else finish everything and I will leave.Then he held her and said but I can’t promise you anything stay wth me with your wish and once my girlfriend comes I won’t continue.Sneha thought if she didn’t call you so long she won’t come back and you are mine and would remain forever.But it didn’t happen.She used to cry alone every day in pain, thinking that his girlfriend may come back and regret why every day she would come to know new things.One day he told that he and his girlfriend never parted ways, it was just a fight.But never told Sneha that he regretted lying to her that they broke off (Saurabh and his girlfriend).

Their intimacy, however, went on increasing and went till hotel rooms too.Even after that, she couldn’t get any commitment from him.

It went on till completing one year of internship in Bangalore, we were placed at different locations. It was a surprise to Sneha that Saurabh canceled his ticket to Indore, his hometown and instead planned on a REC ticket to travel with Sneha till Delhi and then took a flight to home. Unfortunately or fortunately got the same location, Mumbai.Here life had kept some unrevealed and unraveled experiences for my friend.With the two big surprises coming up, one when Saurabh decided to travel with her and second Mumbai city; she was feeling from inside that though he had a past, he was now going to be her forever.It was still a fear pang that use to strike her.She took a week off before joining the office in the new city.As adjusting in the hustle bustle of Mumbai City was a difficult thing.Saurabh too had taken a week off and was in hometown.He used to call her every day.Even used to ask her to take a Reliance sim which was quite famous that time for free calling at night.Three days everything went normally.

Sneha used to ask him,”Did you get any call?” or Did sister say anything or she called you ?” and for everything, he said No.The next day Sneha didn’t get any call.Saurabh neither messaged nor called.Then Sneha chose to call him, But he didn’t answer.Sneha was scared, her fear was obvious.saurabh was at home and his girlfriend may call, she knew everyone in his family though she didn’t call even a single day all through the year.She got a message and then another and one more.Four messages at once, “If it is Saurabh, he is going to say something ominous as he didn’t like to message at all and long messages never.She was right, Saurabh messaged “Babu, I can’t say how painful it is to tell you that she has told everything about me to his father, to whom she never had guts to say, and his father called my Dad.I can’t do anything.

It’s painful for you I know but understand me. I loved you and will always do. “Sneha felt she was lifeless for some time, she managed to compose her, she felt like she was scattered into pieces and now she has to answer gathering herself together into a being, a living being.She messaged” You always knew this, still you chose to come with me, opted for Mumbai.you should not have done that when you had to be such a selfish guy “and she threw the Phone.No more contact with him till they reached Mumbai.She didn’t eat anything for the rest three days, nor sleep, only used to cry alone.She reached Mumbai and so did Saurabh.

Sneha didn’t even met him and tried to ignore him. But both chose to stay in the same locality, Jb Nagar, Andheri East as most of the friends were staying there.Time went on Saurabh met her sometimes, tried behaving like a friend, used to tell her,” though you hate me but still I will care for you in this strange city”.Sneha thought he was right, the madness of love has not vanished completely.One day Saurabh asked her to come for buying groceries and clothes.So they went to a mall in East Malad.It was the first time they were both traveling in a local train.While coming back they had to take the train to reach back to their place.

While boarding the local train, Sneha managed to get in as the ladies compartment was less crowded.But Saurabh couldn’t.Sneha saw him on the platform and the train had started already.She asked him and he showed I couldn’t manage.She felt he was left alone on the platform, how will he come back, if he forgets the way; what he will do.And she jumped, she jumped from the moving train.It was something supernatural that she landed in wet soil instead of the platform as the train was in so much speed that her compartment has left the platform.Her top got tore off and she got bruises.Her body has scratches and she got blank.It was her good luck that she fell on wet soil.People came running and Saurabh too came running to her.

He shouted”are you mad?” she just raised her hand to tell him to wait , she couldn’t utter a word out of pain.She couldn’t raise her hand and two people helped her to get up.They took another train and went home.A lot of things happened in between, Sneha used to cook for him, to still make him feel happy, while he often scolded her if she used to get late in cooking as he had to sleep or talk to his girlfriend.I felt this girl has gone mad.There were enough guys who were ready to date her, she was immensely talented, beautiful enough that if a man looked at her, he would stare at her twice.But nothing could stop her madness even after she came to know the reality, faced it.Still she had a hope.

Hope sometimes has a killer instinct in itself because it makes a person to go beyond reality to conjure things.Life went on, she used to meet him every time he wanted.Her love was selfless and his love selfish.With time and people saying her to stay away from such a complex relationship and the way Saurabh ignored her, she thought of shifting to a new place in the same city.Saurabh, when came to know about this tried to stop her, but she was adamant.It proved to be of no use because he followed her and whenever all her flatmates use to leave for the office, he was a regular visitor.Sneha kept on committing the crime of being close to a person who has never shown any commitment.Due to some reason or rather a company call, new joiners were asked to shift to Hyderabad where the company branch was to be set up.

Sneha thought that this was an opportunity when she can finally call off this relationship.But her misfortune followed her everywhere.Saurabh got an organizational transfer too.Sneha thought she was lucky enough as since internship they were together.They got much closer in the new city as Office was in the same building now.He used to pick her up after office, drop her and meet her during lunch time.Their intimacy rose to another level.For two and half years in Hyderabad, all went well, and they fought only because of the possessive nature of Saurabh and nothing else.They use to take holidays at the same time and if anytime because of any reasons Saurabh had to stay out-of-station.He use to tease her saying “when the rat is away, the mice will play”.

There was complete rest in their life.One day Saurabh didn’t call, his phone remained switched off the next day too.Sneha became too angry when he picked her call after two days, he told he was out-of-station and couldn’t call.Sneha was too furious with this lame answer.She noticed him but didn’t call him for lunch, this normal fight continued for two days from her side.She waited that he would call.But he didn’t, even if she called, he kept disconnecting calls.A week later, she decided to go to her flat, to clarify what was the reason behind this long pause between two of them.And she went but he asked her to go back as he didn’t want any drama at his flat in front of his friends.With tears, she left the place.He followed, asked her to sit on his bike and drove the way to her flat.He again kissed her showed the same affection as before but made the reason out for his being cut off these many days.Her girlfriend has sent her parents to my home and now marriage could happen anytime.He said to Sneha”please don’t take me wrong, I love you a lot and will always do, but my situation doesn’t permit me to make your life more painful, please marry a good guy”.

Again the cycle of events came up.The same lines he has said four years back were reiterated.”Why didn’t I leave him that very moment, more than being physically attached, the pain to be emotionally attached, hurts me now”He thinks of the girl with whom he remained in relationship virtually, expected me to behave the way he wanted her to behave and now he didn’t take a moment to decide the future of my life.

“But it was my fault to cling on such a complex relationship for so long”.

That very day she decided to end all contacts, she made her heart hard like a rock and though use to see him in the same office but never trespassed the line she has drawn herself.After one year of staying away and staying alone, she decided to move out of the city because she had ignored him but feared to roll back on the same line of desperation if she sees him with his wife.On the last day of her leaving the Hyderabad city for good, she made a call to Saurabh and said, I want to meet you for the last time before leaving.He was taken aback with her words.” where are you going?” he asked. she said, “leaving your city but this time you can’t follow because our love journey has ended a year back.The hope which was kept alive kicked the bucket last year and for the first time, I will be alone in a new city.No more you in my life.”

He came with her favorite pastries in hand drove madly to reach as fast as he can in the drizzly weekend night in Hyderabad City.They met, they cried but they were left with no options.Saurabh wanted to accompany her till station where she boards the train to leave Hyderabad.when the train left the station, Saurabh told her “Hyderabad is going to miss you.”She wanted to hug him tight as she was about to die, but she thought in her mind”I loved you all through my heart, jumping from the train to waking up early during internship to pack breakfast for you, making valentine’s day card for you or make you happy with maggi cooked in kettle…all and everything will remain alive in my heart always.However, there would be something missing in all this, the fear to loose you.”I feel proud of her as she made a tough decision in life instead of collapsing in the pressure of being fooled in love.This is life and we need to either rise out of our tough times or fall forever.

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